So, I didn't get that pilot.
When I found out that I didn't get it, I was stuck in traffic on the 405 freeway, thinking about what I was going to pick up at the store to make for dinner, and mentally going over what my schedule was going to look and feel like in the upcoming few weeks. Then the call from the production company came, telling me they'd gone with someone else. This was the same day I'd published my last post here, the one where I announced that I'd soon be filling you in on what it's like to cast a pilot.
What we're going to talk about instead is how it feels to get rejected.
The bottom line? It doesn't feel good, no matter how thoroughly we understand the whys and the wherefores and the explanations. We all want to be chosen, want to be said yes to, want to get the green light, the rose, the book contract, the movie deal, the part, the guy, the girl. It's human nature to prefer hearing the word yes as opposed to the word no. I was surprised when I got that call. I was bummed. And I immediately thought about what you guys go through out there, how much work it is to prepare for each audition, what it must feel like to see walk into a room and see twenty other people going over the same lines you're about to deliver, and then not get called back.
It's really tough. With every rejection a tiny part of ourselves just wants to pack it up and stop trying. There's no use pretending that being said no to is nothing. It's a small hurt every time. It makes us question our value and doubt our talent. The key here is to acknowledge the pain of rejection--to feel what we feel, fold it into what we know about ourselves, and then fold it into our work--without becoming bitter. We've all got to strike a balance between remaining human (vulnerable), and practical (we chose to work in a creative field and this comes with the territory). The trick is to absorb the blow in a way that doesn't stop forward momentum.
When it came down to it, I wasn't even sure I wanted this pilot. Working in TV is a different animal. Things move quickly, require a different tempo, a different set of variables, and I was on the fence as to whether I wanted to even bother. I rarely do pilots, I already had a film project lined up--THE GARDENER, directed by Chris Weitz--but because I'm such a hard worker, I have a tendency to pile as much on my plate as is possible. I understood why the production company in question went with the other casting agent, who specializes in TV work. It's a young company, and they needed someone who knew the landscape and who would show them the ropes. I'm much more familiar with how movies get made, not pilots, so their decision was sensible and not personal.
Good thing I work in the town that I do. Because after losing out on this pilot, I took a meeting on another pilot that I felt was really suited to me; one I'm working on now. I wouldn't have been available for it I had gotten the other one. There's one thing I can say for certain: in Hollywood, every day can be like Christmas.
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Too True! Rejection is a bitch, in any form. But super stoked you got something else! Things have a way of balancing themselves out, dont they? :)
ReplyDeleteAnd this is why you are such a great man! You remember what it's like to be the 'normal everyday' person! This is the best blog I have read of yours so far! I felt every word as if it were coming from within me. At the Sydney workshop, I felt the same thing, like you were reaching inside my head and saying everything that was in there. You have a way of 'hitting the nail on the head'! Still not trying to be a kiss ass, by the way. Just stating the obvious :)
ReplyDeleteWhat great words. My daughter was bummed when she didn't get movie--but kids bounce back sooo quickly. I believe everything happens for a reason! So glad to see another door open, just as one was closing! Congrats! So looking forward to you having your own website!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing these personal experiences! I think you are a very compassionate person who has thought of others in this business who feel what you feel, rejection blahs! No doubt it takes a few stings before you realize, just wasn't meant to be this time. I am happy to hear that it all worked out for you and you are on to a project that you are excited about, congratulations! Please keep sharing, this is very good information!
ReplyDeleteI loved this post. First of all, actors often forget that everyone in this business has to audition/interview/pitch; get rejected, sometimes get the job, and get rejected some more. And what I loved most was your description of the wave of feelings that wash over us as we deal with the rejection. And no matter where we are in our careers, we all have to deal with it sooner or later--make that daily. But my favorite part of this blog entry was: "There's one thing I can say for certain: in Hollywood, every day can be like Christmas." That's the truth!
ReplyDeleteLiving in San Antonio Texas is definitely not a plus when you're trying to look like an eastern LA gang girlfriend.
ReplyDeleteLike your previous comments, this post drew me in. It's almost as if you were explaining my audition as the 14-year-old girlfriend in "THE GARDENER." I knew it would be a long shot, but was excited to send in my tape none the less. I was unsure about where I would stand, but it turned out that I was chosen as one of the final two girls for the part.
My agency called me with the news that I did not get the part, but that you had the courtesy to call them and express your likeness in my read (you can't even begin to imagine how important that phone call meant to me). At that moment for the first time in my life, I just wished I looked a little more gangster.
It started off as a big disappointment to be so close, yet so far away from a great opportunity, but I took the approach that you did, and progressed. I have been growing my experience, here in Texas, and I'm not going to stop.
I can easily say getting rejected that day was a great thing for me. I'm using the good from it, and I won't stop until I hear that "YES".
So, Mr. Middleton, thank you for posting this experience of yours, which is nothing but inspiration for me. And thank you for noticing the passion I put into my roles when you took a look at my tape.
I hope/strive to meet you in the near future!
Best of wishes, Feliz Ramirez