The Unfortunate Story of the Actress Who Did Everything Wrong

I know. I promised to tell you the unfortunate story of the actress who did everything wrong during an audition a long time ago. I realized how critical the situation had become when an actor chased me down a Hollywood street last week yelling "Hey, where's the post about the actress who did everything wrong?"

There are reasons for my disappearance but I'll skip the excuses (travel, projects, travel, more travel, more projects,)and get straight to the story:

It wasn't a question of talent. This was an actress--think European--who was on the rise a few years ago, one who had worked on several big-budget action thrillers. That was part of the problem: I was calling her in for a TV pilot, and she not only felt that TV was beneath her, she didn't like the idea of having to audition. But I had to bring her in to read because she didn't strike me as a perfect fit for the role. I wasn't all that familiar with her work, either, and I didn't feel comfortable bringing her directly to the producers. I go by my gut, and my gut was telling me to read her. (Actually, in truth my gut was telling me it wasn't going to work out, but her manager had done everything right, in terms of pursuing this audition for her, and when that happens, I'm more inclined to say yes as a nod to professionalism and as reward for someone who's doing his or her job right.)

Well.

There was a communication breakdown that day and the actress didn't get my message that I had to reschedule her audition for later that afternoon. When she showed up, she had to read for my associate. The actress didn't like this, and she made it clear how much she didn't like it. She threw a hissy fit, she acted the diva, and in the process alienated my associate to the point where she'll never read this actress again. That right there is the sound of a door slamming shut.

Things degenerated from there.

Our diva insisted on sticking around to have me read her later in the day. And when she walked into the audition room, she wasn't alone: she brought a huge chip on her shoulder in with her. I'd heard what had happened earlier in the day, and I wanted to placate her, wanted to get our situation back on solid ground. My goal is to always use my time with actors productively, as an audition that runs off the rails is a waste of everyone's time.

But when she started to read, it was immediately clear she was heading in the wrong direction. I started to give her some notes, some ideas for some shortcuts, but she was intent on taking a broad approach, on building the character slowly. It wasn't appropriate, it wasn't what was called for, and she ignored my notes. Was I patient, was I gentle? No. It was a fast-paced pilot day, I had a lot of actors to see, and no one actor ever gets to be Queen For The Day. She was cutting off her own nose to spite her face. I brought the reading to an abrupt halt and just brought her in to the producers, who later commented, "Well, there's an actress who thinks a lot of herself."

Acting isn't therapy. A read for a casting director is never the place to work out your issues. Yes, you have to bring your full emotional range into every reading that you give, but don't make the mistake of conflating things and using the audition room as a substitute for a visit to your shrink. (The audition room isn't a room that comes equipped with a therapist's couch.) And even though I'm always intent on coaxing actors to do their best work, during an audition, I'm the buyer, you're the seller. Sound's harsh, but that's the way it breaks down. You've got to sell me on your performance. What you can't do, what you must never do, is walk through the door with an attitude. Be professional, and be gracious about the process. Every time.

The actress who did everything wrong blew it that day, and now has a team of people who would prefer to never work with her.

As buyers, none of us were interested in what she was had to sell.